How letting go of stress helped me rediscover purpose, embrace balance, and find joy in living fully
“You look exhausted,” my coworker said,
concerned, as she got ready to leave the office.
I sipped a bit of triple espresso coffee and answered proudly. “Yeah, it will take some work, but it will look perfect!”
“You have been late at the office for the last two weeks.
You should take a break.” She replied.
“Later, later. I can’t afford to slow down now. I must
“wow” the client,” I said, claiming to be the superman for the job.
“Okay! Good luck! But you should know you can’t keep this
up forever.” She left, locking the office's glass door, knowing I
would be sitting behind my screen the next day, staring at it like a zombie.
Her words played in my mind as she walked out, but I dismissed them, convinced
that working harder was my only option.
I spent years chasing goals, not because I wanted them,
but because I needed to prove to everyone that I was the best. I spent
countless nights at my desk in Shanghai, exhausted, staring at my laptop and
working endlessly on design proposals. From 6 pm to 6 am, it was only me, the
dark office, and the city's quietness. My mind pushed my willpower in the name
of success, telling me, “If I can just finish a project a week prior
to the deadline or win five proposals in a week, they’ll see my value.” I
always thought that resting was for those who don’t have big dreams. I was
terrified that if I didn’t achieve “greatness,” I would be nothing. But the
deeper I got into this cycle, the more I realized that it wasn’t just the
workload that weighed on me. It was the constant need to prove my worth.
One of my most significant issues with that mindset is that
I forgot to pause and ask myself: Was I reaching my goals and
creating work I was proud of while allowing myself to recover, or was I just
adding more work to my plate without thoughtfully thinking about how to achieve
them effectively?
As my stress mounted, it wasn’t just my health that suffered
but also my relationships. I used to fill every minute of my day with tasks
that made me look and feel busier. The illusion of keeping my hands moving made
me feel more valuable and accomplished. I believed that by staying busy, I
would reach greatness, so I kept working late for endless nights despite being
unable to open my eyes.
My ex-wife, worried about my lifestyle and health, would
often remind me to rest, saying, “Turn off your computer and head to
bed; it’s unhealthy to stay up all night daily.” I would answer, “Hm,
you can sleep first; good night!” Ignoring her advice altogether and
“staring” back at my screen. I wasn’t working; I was overthinking, overdoing,
and overstressing on minor things, such as the tiny difference between two hues
of blue or what time of the day I should send my email to the client.
I cancelled 90% of my social events with a single
excuse, saying, “My work isn’t finished yet.” I was so
attached to my work and stressed over progress that I couldn't step away from
the screen, not even for a 15-minute walk. The problem was that I had no time
or energy to reset my nervous system at the end of the day, and as a result, my
relationship with my ex-wife and coworkers began to suffer.
I produced much more work, but the quality wasn’t even close
to the customer’s standards. I started missing deadlines, and I made mistakes
that were so basic, such as sending documents to commercial print without
checking if the colors were accurate. Several times, our clients who valued
precision complained to my boss that my work wasn’t even close to those of
second-year college students and was very unprofessional. Our company ended up
losing some of those clients because I made too many small mistakes, and the
results left them frustrated.
My lack of sleep made my brain foggy, and as a result, my
mood became unstable. I would get angry at the most minor mistake, throw things
at my screen, and shout at people. One day, my boss called me to his room and
said, "This behavior had to change, or you would have to go." Even
though I put my effort into his company's success, I became so poisonous that
my attitude started to affect the team's energy.
Many of us understand success as society defines it: running
behind glory at the expense of everything else. Unbalanced success in a
single dimension of life isn’t glory and seldom leads to long-term fulfillment.
I was financially advancing and getting little recognition from work, but I
couldn’t live for a day without eight cups of coffee and feeling drained.
Some of my coworkers noticed me collapsing and suggested
they could share the load, but I rejected it. I thought, “If I give them my
work, everything would fall apart, and I would lose the client's respect.”
I did not trust anyone's capability and always believed they would be careless.
This mindset was a result of poor management skills. Instead of adding more
work to my plate, I should have walked them through my goal, made them aware of
the client's requirements, and allowed them to execute. They were legitimate,
but I was just too stressed for my interest.
Controlling is a comforting illusion that comes at the cost
of burning ourselves. If I had released my grip on managing every tiny detail,
I would have given myself a space to grow by allowing myself to try different
processes. I would have realized that more stress and longer working hours
don’t lead to better results, and I was creating more work that might not be
valuable to my clients’ needs. For me, managing my stress wasn’t something to
consider. It was something that I had to take care of, or I would lose
everything that mattered, including my health and peace.
On a beautiful sunny Saturday morning, my friend called me
and suggested we spend some time in the park. I gave him the typical
auto-response, “I can’t, I have too much work.” But inside me,
I was burnt out and just wanted to go out; however, I felt I was stuck. I
couldn’t allow myself to move outside the walls of my room and enjoy myself for
an hour. I paused briefly and then said, “You know what? I changed my
mind, so let’s go!”
For the first time in a long while, I chose to prioritize my
well-being over my to-do list. What was the point of my life and effort if I
can’t enjoy even for an hour? Was I born to be a working machine for the rest
of my life? Heck no! We sat under a tree and talked about
silly things for an hour. During this time, I realized that moving my attention
from work, expressing my thoughts, and having fun with another human made me
much more relaxed and cleared my mind.
I could join a meditation class or go for a run; it would
release the tension and make me feel better. But like many, I had no stamina
for those things, and I just wanted my life outside work to be minimal.
Something as simple as spending a little time in a park, sitting under the warm
sun, watching kids chasing dogs, laughing, and breathing fresh air eased my
breath and made my day much more manageable.
It isn’t only the tactics we do or tips we follow that make
us less stressed; it is the shift in mindset that more stress doesn’t equal
quality of living. Embracing relaxation wasn’t about giving up on my goals but
making space for what mattered. When we give ourselves the time to relax, we
seek simplicity and make intentional choices. We let go of the unnecessary and
focus on what adds value. That’s when we become more effective.
When I became less stressed, I started to slow things down,
trust others, and, more importantly, trust myself to handle whatever came next.
It wasn’t easy, and I was very fussy at the beginning, but what I found when I
let go of control and decided to trust myself and others was worth it. I found
the purpose of doing things and the freedom to choose.
Seeking recognition was satisfying until it became
destructive. It wasn't purposeful enough to maintain long-term achievement. I
was getting more money into my bank account but could not enjoy it. What was
the point then? I spent my youngest and most energetic years behind the screen,
stressing myself over things that didn’t bring true joy to my life. I was
lonely for a long time, even though many people applauded my efforts. That’s
not living nor glory.
We all have plans and responsibilities. Life is real. It
requires us to stand by our obligations and deliver. Stress is unavoidable when
we feel a lack of control, and that’s okay — it makes us human. Meditation,
deep breathing, and walking in the park can help ease the tension. However,
when we realize that stress does more harm than good, we should stop draining
our energy on things beyond our control and focus on discovering effective
solutions within our capabilities.
While stress can push us to take action, it doesn’t always
mean we’re taking the right one. Instead of burdening myself and others with
unnecessary pressure, I can focus on what truly matters and learn how to
address it effectively. Instead of fearing the unknown, try to see it as an
opportunity to grow your skills gradually so you can handle whatever comes your
way more gracefully.
Choose to pause, breathe,
and live in the moment. Give things time and know that
quality and effectiveness are products of relaxed, clear, long-term thinking.
Say “no” to doing more of anything and “yes” to
simplifying your life to its barest essence. Only then can you release yourself
from the illusion of stress and choose what works best.
In the end, true success lies not in the accolades we chase but,
in the joy, and fulfillment we cultivate in our everyday lives. Today, I
invite you to pause and reflect: What are the 'tiny mistakes' you are making in
your life that are costing you more than you realize? How can you embrace
simplicity in your day-to-day life? From my life experience, I have learned
that the true 'wow' wasn't in the work I was chasing but in the freedom I found
when I stopped stressing and started living. When I let go of the need to prove
my worth, I rediscovered the true value of my life. Cheers!